Friday, 6 March 2015

In Memory Of

The picture above is the remembrance of my beloved parents.
I have no words to describe how sad it felt when my parents passed away.
One after the other, within eleven months.
Afterwards, there were phase in my life when I felt great emptiness. As if I was walking around with huge hole in my head. When I heard those news, I couldn't feel the ground beneath my feet. Nothing in this world tore my heart apart like losing my parents.

Grey shirt that you saw on the photo belonged to my father, which he wore on Fridays to the mosque. He wore it with simple trousers and walked slowly to the mosque nearby our house. 
I hang his shirt in my closet and hold it whenever I miss him.
Hoping that the scent of his shirt could wipe my sadness.

Although many people thought he was a quiet person, he could involved himself into long unstoppable discussions. He loved to talk about his children, he was very proud of all of us.
I found my father's glasses in his closet and took them along with me to Zurich. My father loved to read, he taught us all to read a lot.
"Widen your horizon," that's what he said.
He bought my brother, sisters and I great books to enrich our knowledge.
Whenever I see his glasses, I wonder which articles he read through those lenses. Each and every alphabet were joining together to form interesting words and sentences. They were able to make my father spent his times reading for hours. Sank himself into the books and let the paragraphs welcomed him.

Golden sequin clutch bag belonged to my mother.
My mother was such a stylish lady. Like many other women, she loved clothes, bags and shoes.
She was so vivid and cheerful. Everyday I could hear my mother was singing while cooking, or simply humming. Sometimes she sang Indonesian classic songs. Eventhough I did not know many of those song, yet it felt so good to hear that.
Every time I touch those golden sequin, my heart longing for her warmth. As my fingers run through the shape of her clutch, my mind travelled into the past. I was thinking my mother was putting her compact powder and red lipstick in her clutch. She would put some jasmine flowers in order to keep her bags smell nice. She chose the right outfit for the clutch, perhaps nice colorful long skirt combined with blouse. Red shade from lipstick will complete her look. Her big smile appeared when she saw herself in the mirror. Maybe she wore the clutch to attend the wedding party of her friend together with my father. She brought happy atmosphere at all times with her friendliness.

I can never be thankful enough to my parents. They were strict parents and they trained my siblings and I to be ready to face the world. How hard they worked so that we could get good education.
Discipline was their key to raise their children.
My mother kept emphasize of how important to have education, to work hard at school and to have proper jobs. She was such an inspiration.
My father was always teach us discipline and being neat. I remember how he taught me to walk properly.
"Walk like a lady with grace," he said.
He kept critisized me whenever I cut my hair too short.
"Short hair doesn't suit you," he shook his head. Unsatisfied.
He stopped saying something when I was 22 years old, my hair was longer compared to several years back then. Until now, I don't want to cut my hair too short anymore. I wish I could tell him right now that I keep my hair long because I follow his advice.
I might get his smile with the meaning I-told you-so.

In March and April my heart aches. My father passed in March 6th and my mother in April 2nd.
It has been 6 and almost 7 years they passed and this pain can never be healed.
I know how hard it is to become parent after having Rania. Today I talked to Rania,
"It's been six years since your grandfather passed away."
My six weeks daughter didn't understand yet what was going on. She stared at me with her innocent eyes, looking at my tears flowing down.

I'm missing you both, Mom and Dad.
So deeply until my heart hurts.
You both will always be loved and the memories of you will always be treasured.



  1. This is a beautiful and touching post Ika. I am sure both your parents are so proud of the amazing daughter they raised!

    1. Thank you so much for your comment, Steph!
      Losing the beloved ones is a part of life, unfortunately...